Have a good laugh….

 I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 
                                       
 When chemists die, they barium.  
                                                              
 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.                                                      

 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. 
He says he can stop any time.    
                  
 How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
                                                       
 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. 
Then it dawned on me.  
                       
 This girl said she recognized me from the
 vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. 
       
 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. 
I just can't put it down.  
                             
 I did a theatrical performance about puns. 
It was a play on words.  
                           
 I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
                                                        
 What do you call a dinosaur with an
 extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.   
                      
 England has no kidney bank, but it does 
have a Liverpool.         
                             
 I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
                                               
 They told me I had type-A blood, but it was
 a Type-O.                                          

  Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
                                       
 We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. 
I hope there's no pop quiz.     
         
 I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 
                                          
 Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost
 her job because she couldn't control her pupils?                                                                                        
 When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. 
                                               
 Broken pencils are pointless.                                                                  

 I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.                                        

 All the toilets in New York's police stations
 have been stolen. The police have nothing to go  
 on.    
                                                                                        
 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
                                              
 Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
                                                    
 Velcro — what a rip off!  
                                                                     
 A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
 Details are sketchy.
                                  
 Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
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